


We're Just Making It Worse

by descendintochaos



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Mature Situations, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/descendintochaos/pseuds/descendintochaos
Summary: Kaz was silent the whole time. This was something that Nina expected, but when she took a peek over her shoulder she didn’t expect for Kaz to look at her, his gaze was piercing but there was a subtle softness underneath that quaked Nina’s heart. It made her wonder how come a boy could look intimidating and dashing at the same time?“Nina?”She looked at him again, not once batting her eyes away from him. “Kaz?”Whatever he wanted to say to her, he never managed to utter it. For a few moments, they simply stared into each other’s eyes, reaching into each other’s depths. The world around them diminished as there were only the sound of their breaths and Jesper’s snore in the background.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please don't kill me

_ He’d slit my throat. _

Those were the words Nina had told Matthias when he asked if she would also creep into Kaz’s bed knowing now that  _ parem _ was in his possession. Even at the idea of rummaging his pockets the way she did to Matthias, touching him the way she did to the Drüskelle nearly sent shivers down her spine.

Kaz would slit her throat.

It wasn’t just a premonition, no. It was a hard, cold fact. There was as if an invisible rule never to toy with Dirtyhands unless you wanted to die a painful death. But in Nina’s case, she was on the verge of desperation. Without a dose of  _ parem _ , she was as well starting to lose her mind. Her thoughts were a chaotic jungle of the need of that sweet, sweet taste of the drug. As much as Nina tried to restrain herself from having it, as much as she promised Matthias and the others to let herself in control, her walls cracked. She was only human after all with flaws and all. 

And now she needed  _ parem _ . So bad, that Nina actually found herself slipping from Matthias’ warm embrace, tip-toeing her way along the cold floor of their supposed to be hideout. 

The others were fast asleep in their own cots; Kuwei took the space near the center of the tomb because he couldn’t stand sleeping in the dark, his back against the walls. Wylan slept not far from him where Jesper’s cot also resided. Funny to see how their hands nearly touched considering their sleeping position looked almost childish. Nina smirked to herself at the sight. Maybe once this was over, she could meddle in whatever was going on between the two of them and have them kiss or something.

Nina’s steps eventually falter once her eyes found her destination. Kaz’s cot. 

While the others mainly slept close to each other, Kaz took his place even deeper and in the farthest part of the tomb. It was nearly pitch black by the time Nina crept closer that she had to adjust her eyes to see in the darkness, making sure her feet produced zero sound. The moon that shone bright outside failed to make its way through him, making his silhouette bathed by the darkness which was fitting. 

_ Kaz in his natural habitat _ , Nina mused. At this point, it was almost impossible to know whether he was asleep or not, but judging by the way his steady breathing echoed lowly in the air, even a con-man such as Kaz Brekker couldn’t fake it. 

Nina first approached the satchel on a chair next to his bed. Rifling through his things where she only found a handful of kurge and envelopes. She didn’t bother to look at them and cursed in both Shu and Kerch under her breath. 

Nina took a long look at Kaz’s sleeping form and bit her lip. Was  _ parem  _ worth all of this? Invading Kaz’s personal space was like trying to do a tango in a lion’s cage, it was suicidal. She almost had a half a mind to back away and sleep through the aching, the longing and the pain until the morning, but whenever she remembered the heavenly poison at the tip of her tongue, Nina decided to throw caution to the wind.

She  _ needed _ it. She  _ craved  _ for it. 

Slowly but steadily, Nina inched closer until her emerald irises caught the way his usual slick dark hair ruffled on his pillow. Even while sleeping, Kaz still looked as imposing as ever. It was impossible how a boy could still maintain such demeanor. Sometimes, Nina couldn’t help but wonder how Kaz would look like if you strip all of his ruthlessness and sharp edges. He’d look innocent, but she had no doubt he would still hold that ‘Kaz charm’ that she’d never found in anybody else. Even if he was ordinary, he would still stand out.

Nina searched his coat pockets (Yes, the boy seemed keen on wearing his damned coat even while sleeping) and found nothing. Shit. She snaked her hand through the inside pocket, as careful and silent as she could manage. Nina could feel the sweat starting to form on her brow, her heart thumping uneasily. And she thought breaking into the Ice Court was hard. 

Thankfully, Kaz didn’t stir. His face still facing the walls, Nina continued her quest.

Her face beamed in the dark when her hand caught it. Finally. Nina felt like she could grin all night and let herself revel under the influence of the drug. Somehow she could picture it all in her mind.

Nina was about to withdraw her hand from his coat when she saw Kaz turned around sharply and pretty much awake. Two cold gloved hands found her waist as he pulled her down onto the cot. Nina barely had the time to register what was happening and the next thing she knew, she found herself trapped under the weight of the Bastard Of the Barrel with murder gleamed in his eyes, his hand curling around her throat.

At this particular moment, she wished she had Inej’s finesse in stealth instead of being a Grisha.

“Kaz,” she let out a strangled gasp for air. She tried to scream for Matthias, but it was no use. Nina’s hands were practically clawing at his hand. 

Kaz looked like an embodiment of the devil and death himself, with his hair falling messily on his forehead. His eyes completely dark like the night itself, yet Nina could still feel the sharpness from his gaze, like a knife’s edge.

“Nina,” he rumbled her name low, the way he did when he was about to end a person’s life. “What did you do to me?”

There was no use for lying. If Nina wanted to live through the day, she thought the wisest move would be telling the truth.

“I was only looking for  _ parem _ . I swear,” she croaked. It was getting harder to breathe. “Matthias said you have it.”

“ _ Fuck _ the drug _ , _ ” Kaz whispered angrily, Nina flinched under him. “You did something to me. Your magic. I felt it in my dream and in my bones. Now answer my question, Zenik,” he leaned closer. “What the  _ fuck,”  _ he inched even closer that their nose nearly touched. “did you to me?”

Even whilst strangled, Nina managed to shoot him a confused look. “What are you talking about?” 

“You don’t want me to repeat myself, Nina.”

“Kaz, I didn’t do anything, I swear in the name that is holy,” murmured Nina, trying her hardest not to wake everyone up. “The  _ parem.  _ I can’t u-use my powers without feeling spent.”

“Then how the hell did you end up in my dream?”

“What?” 

If Nina’s eyes could be any wider, they would have been coming out of her head. 

Dream? What dream? The idea of Kaz Brekker dreamt in his sleep alone was absurd, and now he said he’d dreamt of her? Maybe Nina was really losing it. She’d finally gone crazy, there was no doubt about it.

Kaz looked as if he’d just revealed one of his magic tricks out in the open. He stared at her, still on top of her, and a gloved hand that was still very much gripping her throat. For a moment, reconsideration flashed in his eyes and Nina wondered if that was a good thing. There was so much she wanted to ask and say to him, but it was getting hard to stay awake when the remaining air you have in your body was being squeezed like this. 

“Kaz.” It was her final plea. With eyes closed and auburn hair surrounding his pillow like a halo, Nina tried her final attempt to wriggle her way out of Kaz’s grip but to no avail.

Eventually, Kaz let go of his hand. Nina took a deep breath as if she’d been plunged underwater. Her eyes watered. 

She coughed, a hand caressing her throat where his palm had been. She was sure it would leave a nasty mark in the morning.

“What the fuck was that?” she demanded, her eyes flashed with bright anger. Kaz didn’t bother to reply to her as he simply rolled over to the side, his hand gripping a fistful of his hair and sighed. “You could have killed me!”

“Which I didn’t,” Kaz replied casually, cold-heartedly. A very classic Kaz response.

Nina appeared bristle at this. “Oh, sure. Look, I know invading your personal space is wrong but that was out of the line.” Kaz was all but ignored her. “You could at least apologize, Brekker. You know it costs zero Kruge.”

Still, he gave her no response. Nina groaned to herself. Her neck hurt, her senses were still clouded with her needs for  _ parem _ and now questions began to dwindle deep in the part of her brains concerning Kaz’s dream. Nina was basically a mess, she didn’t have the energy to add his brash attitude on her list of problems. 

She was about to roll out of his bed when Kaz suddenly spoke,

“I’m sorry.”

Nina stilled and did a double take. Seriously, was the world going to end or something?

Kaz stared at the ceiling, giving Nina a perfect view of his sharp profile. Her thoughts immediately went to Inej. Lucky her, this could be the view she’d get to wake up to every morning. Saints, Nina hoped her best friend was still alive wherever Van Eck was keeping her. 

“You can stop gawking at me, Zenik,” he commented dryly, eyes still glued upward. “Don’t act as if I never said it before."

“If my memory still serves me well, no. I don’t think I have ever heard you say it before.”

“I’ve said it. Just not very often. And just to some people who deserve it.”

“You should say it more often, you know?” Nina said. “Like I said, being nice costs zero Kruge.”

“Does being nice ever get you somewhere you’ve always wanted, Nina?” he looked at her now, but his eyes not quite reaching hers. He was challenging her. She knew it. As much as she tried to think of a way to outwit him, Nina found nothing.

“I thought so,” he uttered, returning his attention back to the ceiling. It wasn’t surprising to see now Kaz was already being his usual cold and stiff self after all of that. It almost appeared as if whatever that was bothering him didn't affect him the slightest.

But that didn’t mean that Nina was in the means of forgetting about the fact that Kaz Brekker had a dream about her.

“You dreamt about me,” Nina uttered even before her brains could stop her.

“Is that a question, Nina?” he retorted nastily.

“What do you think?”

He sighed sharply. “I think it’s better if we just forget about it and move on from here.”

“Yeah, right, Brekker,” Nina rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me that you aren’t at least curious about it?”

“No,” Kaz answered, still maintaining the same crass manner that Nina hated. It was clear from his voice and face he certainly didn’t want to continue this conversation further.

Nina groaned frustratedly. “Well, I do. I mean, what does it mean? Me being in your dream is as absurd as Van Eck suddenly comes barging in, dressed up in a costume from Komedie Brute with Inej juggling the bottles for him while pleading for your forgiveness.”

“I don’t know. And for all I know, only a Grisha can manipulate someone’s consciousness like that.”

Nins scowled at him. “What makes you think a Grisha did it?”

Kaz rubbed his chin contemplatively. “Because it didn’t feel like an ordinary dream. There was magic involved, I’m sure of it.”

“Well, it wasn’t me. If I could make someone dream of me, I sure as hell wouldn’t pick you anyway,” Nina huffed honestly.

If there was a Grisha involved, the question was how? How could someone manage to penetrate the walls of Kaz Brekker’s mind palace like that from afar? And who in the hell thought it was a good idea anyway? 

And why her? Why couldn’t they pick Kaz to dream of someone else, say Inej? Even Jesper or Matthias? Why her? 

“Seriously, I don’t get it,” Nina admitted suddenly after a beat of silence. “Why me? What good could they gain from you dreaming me? And how?”

Nina thought she heard Kaz swallowed thickly. “No idea. But whoever they were, they must be a powerful Grisha.” 

Great. That was another enemy they needed to add into the people who wanted to kill them list. She swore the number was growing more and more everyday.

“Do you think they are trying to send us a message?”

Kaz scoffed. “If that’s what they call a message, then they needs a drastic revision to do.” Nina rolled her eyes at that. “I don’t think it’s a threat either, if that’s what you’re asking. Either way, it’s just a dream. They are only trying to get me sidetracked.”

“And you are not at least worried about this?” asked Nina with knitted brows.

Kaz turned and spared her the briefest glance. Nina could almost make out the way his jawline illuminated by the dimness of the candles, causing his depthless coal eyes glowed. There was an odd look on his face, especially when his eyes caught hers, but Kaz was all looked away. As if seeing her set fire to his being.

“Nothing worries me,” he rasped lowly, harsh.

Nina stayed silent, unsure how to press him further. Well, if Kaz believed it so, then Nina could sleep soundly tonight it seemed. But still, the thought of someone managed to penetrate right through his mind bothered her.

“Now, if you’re done asking questions, be a good girl and go back to bed. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Kaz turned to the side so that his back was facing her. If Nina knew what was best for her, she should go and do what she was told. But she was Nina Zenik, so she lingered still. And she was not even remotely close to done.

“Saints, you’re going back to sleep after all that?” Nina furrowed her brows in disbelief.

“No, but you will.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep.”

“No, you want the  _ parem _ ,” he pointed out flatly. “And there is no way on earth I will give it to you.”

“You won’t have to. I’ll steal it right under your nose.”

Nina could almost hear Kaz’s wicked smirk at this. “You’re welcome to try. Don’t come crying if you ended up without your hands for the rest of your life, though. Now,  _ leave _ .” There was a hard edge in his voice that sent shivers down Nina’s spine. She should be afraid. Oh, she should be very afraid, indeed.

“Kaz,” Nina whined, a little too breathy and childish to be used in front of a Kaz Brekker, but that was the least of her concerns right now. She was desperate. Frustrated to the point she couldn’t think clearly these days.

Her mind was still so clouded by her own cravings for  _ parem _ that she missed the way Kaz’s back tensed.

He eventually looked at her over his shoulder, his eyes screaming irritation and uneasiness. 

“Didn’t I tell you to scram?” Kaz hissed dismissively.

“You did, but I’m a miserable, stubborn girl, looking for her own piece of mind, I’m not going anywhere until I have what I want,” Nina countered boldly. She didn’t care if she’d just defied Kaz fucking Brekker, she would get what she want. And not to mention she was still curious about his dream, knowing that it was concerning a Grisha power. 

“You’re testing my patience, Zenik.”

“Please, Kaz, you’d be doing a girl a favour here,” she cooed, batting her eyelashes. “I’ll behave my best under its influence, I promise.”

Kaz chuckled wryly. But it sounded… off. “Tell me something, Nina, did Matthias spill the beans about  _ parem  _ before or after you crept into his bed?”

The teasing look on Nina’s face dropped instantly. “That’s none of your business.”

“No, it’s not,” he turned to look at her once again, his stare as sharp as ever. “But what makes you think that pulling the same tricks on me would get the same results, hmm?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, Kaz.”

“The one that will get you killed.”

“Well, you haven’t killed me now, have you?” Nina countered boldly. “Fine, you won’t give me the  _ parem, _ at least tell me what the dream was about? I mean, maybe I could help--”

“I said beat it, Nina.” His tone was harsh.

“Come on, Kaz. Someone wouldn’t have given you that dream just like that there must be a message behind it.”

“Nina, I swear to god I would personally drown you in the river if you--”

“Besides, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It must have been a stupid dream unless…”

Unless Kaz was looking rather uneasy, and his body language seemed tense, and his breath felt erratic. Whatever was it that Nina wanted to say to him died in her throat as soon as realization bloomed. 

_ What in the ever loving fuck. _

If Nina had been the innocent girl she was once before, she would have probably been oblivious to the hard fact of his physical evidence, but her times at the brothel had taught her much. The signs were all there, there was no mistaking it. 

“Oh my god,” Nina was all but burying her face in her hands. How could she look at him in the eye now knowing that Kaz fucking Brekker had a sexual dream of her? Well, technically it was the Grisha who’d bestowed him with such dream, but still, this was awkward. 

“Shit. Oh my god. That was awkward,” Nina said again, still hadn’t taken her hands away. Too afraid to discern Kaz's current expression. 

She could hear Kaz exhale sharply next to her. “I did tell you to beat it, Nina.”

“I didn’t listen.”

“You should have,” His growl was unmistakable. 

How could she when Nina was a curious person by nature? But now, she kind of wished she could turn back time and erase her memory from this… this… embarrassment. Had Kaz been another guy, had he at least been Matthias maybe Nina would have straddled him by now and have him recite to her exactly what she had done to him in his dream, but when the guy was Kaz Brekker… that just complicated almost everything.

With one last sigh, Nina withdrew her hands from her face. She could see Kaz from her peripheral vision, staring at the ceiling with those pitch black eyes of his, his jaw taut. She fidgeted her hands and bit her lip, her brains couldn’t even string a word.

“Corporalki,” Nina uttered all of the sudden.

“What?”

“Your dream. It had to be a Corporalki who did it, but I have never heard of them tailoring dreams before. It’s absurd.” Nina forced her mind to think, to distract herself from asking the context of Kaz’s dream or to think about Kaz in general.

“ _ Parem, _ ” was all he said. And it clicked. 

Nina shrugged in acknowledgment. “I mean, sure, there’s a possible chance that the drug caused a reaction to their powers and breeds a new one, it’s just…” she paused.

Kaz sighed, somehow knowing exactly what bothered her mind. “You know exactly what we’re up against, Nina.”

“I’m aware of that, Kaz, yes, thank you very much. I’m talking about us Grishas, it seems no matter which corner we turn to, we’d always end up at a dead end. I’m starting to think our point in existing is to constantly be on the back foot,” Nina scoffed, it greatly saddened just how she couldn’t hear the lie in her own words. 

“So change it,” Kaz commented after a few moments. 

Nina’s brows knitted. “What are you saying?”

“You say that you always ended up at a dead end? Then tear the wall down, break the system.  _ Change the game _ . Show the world that you're more than just a back burner. Give your enemies the show of a lifetime, make them remember you, make them fear you, make them in awe that they regret having you as their enemy or the combination of the three. A  _ proper _ good show,” Kaz cocked his head slightly to her then. “Don’t let people measure your worth, you determine your  _ own _ worth.”

Nina might be dreaming, but she thought this was Kaz’s own way of flaunting wisdom and boy, if his words didn’t strike a chord. His optimism was probably one of the fine qualities he possessed.

For the first time that night, Nina smiled, wide and beautiful and made her eyes crinkle that unbeknown to her that he was staring intently. 

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know Kaz Brekker provides wisdom,” she teased, making sure her tone was borderline appropriate as he simply rolled his eyes and looked away.

“I don’t give it away freely, so I expect you to take it seriously.”

It was Nina’s turn to roll her eyes. “Oh, I’m taking it seriously, Mr. I’m So Dead Serious. Don’t worry.”

“Well, you do have quite a reputation, you know, Ms. I'll Make A Joke Out Of Everything?”

“And you need to know I take heed of every advice I have been given, Mr. I Have No Chills.”

“I was just making sure, Ms. I Probably Won’t Remember It In The Morning.”

The cot shook under them as Nina chuckled lightly. “You just won’t stop, will you?”

“No,” Kaz muttered lowly as he once again turned his body to her, his face inching closer to her own that their noses were only inches apart. “I can keep this up all night.”

If Nina’s heart could thump any louder, he would have probably heard it. Her whole body froze, like an ice block and she swallowed thickly. Just when she wanted him out of her head here he was, doing this to her.

Kaz must have realized what he had done because in an instance, he backed away. As if he had just realized that he was holding a hot pot with bare hands and now his skin was burning. He was nothing but violently tear his stare away from her. Nina’s heart quietly made a protest.

Sometimes, she wished she could take a peek of what the boy was thinking, but then to creep into his dark thoughts would probably do bad for her mental health. And Nina certainly didn’t want to stumble into seeing herself from his dream, no matter how intriguing it seemed like.

Okay, that was weird. What the hell was she thinking? She really needed to dial down these crazy thoughts in her head.

Now the wisest move on her part would be to leave his bed and carry on, pretended none of this ever happened. Yes, that was the logical choice. Ignorance is always easier, and it wasn’t like she was going to spend a lifetime thinking about this.

Would she? 

Okay, Nina had to admit Kaz Brekker was something else. Even ever since they’d met for the first time, she thought he was quite a looker with his three-piece suit, sharp features and his voice that reminded her of the waves crashing against the rocks. But then she cast a glance at Inej and whatever her intention to flirt with him disappeared almost instantly. The way they looked at each other spoke volumes and Nina loved Inej too much to hurt her. So she took a step back.

And she did it again this time. Because she cared for her best friend and Matthias more than her own personal wants.

Nina rose up from the cot and sigh loudly. It was time to go.

“If it makes you feel any better, I promise I won’t tell anyone about this,” Nina said quietly, her back facing Kaz yet she knew, she could feel Kaz’s stare burning through her back. “For your sake as much as mine.”

Kaz was silent the whole time. This was something that Nina expected, but when she took a peek over her shoulder she didn’t expect for Kaz to look at her, his gaze was piercing but there was a subtle softness underneath that quaked Nina’s heart. It made her wonder how come a boy could look intimidating and dashing at the same time? 

“Nina?”

She looked at him again, not once batting her eyes away from him. “Kaz?”

Whatever he wanted to say to her, he never managed to utter it. For a few moments, they simply stared into each other’s eyes, reaching into each other’s depths. The world around them diminished as there were only the sound of their breaths and Jesper’s snore in the background.

She looked at him and Nina was so tempted to reach her hand out and touch him, to feel his skin, to see if Kaz was really human at all like the rest of them. But only crazy people would want to touch Kaz. Inej was crazy, but like in a good way. 

And Nina? Nina was rightfully insane because all that she could think of was what it would feel like if she kissed him. She couldn’t tell whether it was the lack from  _ parem _ or she had been this mentally crooked all this time.

And if she did want to kiss him, would she actually take the chance? And would he accept her? The possible outcome in her mind was she’d either die from the poison that was Kaz Brekker or being choked to death like he had tried before. 

She wouldn’t be surprised if Kaz would bark and have her scurried her way back to her cot. Nina waited, waited for that order to come but what she didn’t expect was when Kaz sat up and scooted closer. Not once his gaze falter, if anything it only intensified. 

Nina waited with bated breath, but decided to mirror his movements, his breath hovering on her mouth, warm and tantalizing. She heard his breath hitch. Anticipation bubbling in the pit of her stomach knowing that her feelings were reciprocated and the fact that this was  _ happening _ . Oh my god, she was going to kiss Dirtyhands. Nina would go to actually taste his mouth and probably live to tell the tale. She inwardly cast her most sincere apology to Inej and Matthias and decided to give in to the feelings.

Though whatever was going to happen between them ceased like that when she heard the sound of people approaching the tomb. Both of their eyes went wide on alert and then as quick as lightning, Nina got up from the bed and ran as fast as her feet could carry her across the room and into her own cot to grab for her pistol. 

By the time she strode her way to the tomb entrance, Kaz appeared from the shadows with his cane, the other holding his own pistol. Their gaze met for a second, heart stopped beating for a little while before being interrupted by Jesper’s presence. 

“Company?” he asked as he took out his own revolvers, eyes looking as drowsy as when he was on his fifth glass. Matthias followed suit from behind. She couldn’t look at him in the eye without feeling guilty of what had transpired between her and Kaz.

Before none of them could answer, Rotty and Specht slipped into the tomb. 

Jesper groaned loudly at the sight. “That's it. I’m installing a door and a damned bell to this place,” he complained as he placed his revolvers back in their rightful places. “And I’ll even set up so the bell could differentiate between a friend and a foe, I don’t care how.”

“That’s almost impossible, Jesper. Even by my standards,” chimed in Wylan.

“Wylan, you are a demolisher, not a bell maker. You’d be surprised what kind of secret talents that actually may be waiting for me.”

Kaz ignored them and straightened his posture.

“What business?” he asked, his voice sounding business-like as usual. A stark contrast to the way he spoke to her earlier. 

“We found her, Kaz,” Rotty replied. “You were right, Van Eck moved his girl to the boathouse a few days ago.”

A smug smile bloomed on Kaz’s lips. “Good. And the boats?”

“They’re waiting for you on the pier,” answered Specht. “We’re just waiting for your go, Kaz.”

“We’ll leave tonight,” Kaz said before dismissing them. “Now, go home and get some rest. Make sure no one sees you on the way to the Barrel, you understand?”

“We understand, Kaz.” With that, Rotty and Specht made their way out. The others dispersed and went their way back to their cots except for her, Matthias and Kaz. Her anxiety somehow spiked just being near around them. 

“Come on, Nina, let’s rest,” Matthias uttered kindly, a hand on her shoulder. “We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” 

It was only fortunate Nina’s self-control didn’t slip as she heard those words. The same words Kaz had told when he ordered her back to her cot. 

She raised her eyes to Kaz, he was still staring at the hallway where Rotty and Specht had come from. A dark look on his face and Nina would like to think it was because of his anticipation for tomorrow's mission. 

Nina didn’t say anything and simply let Matthias led her back to her bed. She slipped under the covers, forcing her mind to shut down. But all of that she could think was would have Kaz’s lips tasted like.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter 2. yea, the ratings have gone up and i regret nothing

Nina swallowed her drink in a large swig. The feeling of the alcohol burning down her throat actually helped her regain her senses that had begun to ebb away from its rightful place and the ache on her cheek. She exhaled heavily. If she concentrated enough, she could actually silence the hustle and bustle of the bar from reaching her ears. But right now, quietness was the last thing she needed.

Especially when the entirety of her head was occupied with one person and one person only.

“Hey, mister, can you get me another one of these?” Nina motioned to the bartender in front of her, a gruff looking man in his 40s with a jagged scar across his left cheek. He looked at her, as if assessing whether she was drunk enough but as far as Nina recalled, there was no such rule of rejecting a customer's order no matter how drunk they were. 

Without any acknowledgement or whatsoever, he proceeded to grab her glass and went on his way.

Nina sighed and dumped her head down on the table, the strands of her blonde wig surrounding her face like a yarn. She might just as well dozed off here. The commotion and the endless chatter inside this bar was actually more comforting than the sound of Alys Van Eck’s cries back at the tomb. Had Matthias didn’t stopped her or had her power wasn’t this volatile, she would have probably lowered the girl’s pulse and left it like that for days. She just couldn’t stand it any longer.

Thus, here she was in one of the most, in her opinion, though, the shadiest bar she had ever visited, all dolled up in her usual disguise look; a cream colored dress that show a generous amount of her cleavage, a caramel brown colored coat and a long blonde wig that reached down to her waist. 

Matthias had insisted to tag along with her, but she blatantly refused. Not that she would mind his company, but Nina would rather much be alone right now.

A fight broke out in the corner just as the bartender deposited her order. He grunted and barked an order at a person near the door in Ravkan. Nina ignored the riot around her, even when she heard the distinctive sound of a broken bone and grabbed for her drink instead. 

“Put that down.” 

A gloved hand suddenly reached out to her own and forced her to drop the glass on the counter, the contents spilled haphazardly all over the grimmy wooden surface. She snapped her head to the right, next to her sat a boy with a spectacle and a bowler hat. 

“Get your hand away from m-” Out of instinct, Nina swatted his hand away only to realize it was  _ him _ . 

“Kaz?” Nina whispered, did a double take. Without his usual coat and cane, he looked almost unrecognizable. Though still, she would recognize those sharp features of his anywhere. 

He ignored the confused look on his face and snatched her wrist, pulling her to her feet. “We’re getting out of here,” he murmured as he handed a small bill on the counter.

“What?” she whispered confusedly, making sure no one was within their proximity as he began to pull her away. “What’s going on? Hey!”

He ceased his tracks and turned to her, leaning in so he could whisper in her ear. “I  _ said _ , we’re getting out of here. Save your questions for later.”

With that, Nina threw whatever questions she had for him out of the window and followed him out of the joint. Swallowing her nervousness aside, Nina took one last look at the bar behind her, noticing a brawl had just started and she felt almost grateful that Kaz got her out just in time. 

Tonight was especially cold in Ketterdam. November was approaching and Nina forgot just how much she hated the cold. She clutched her coat tighter with one hand, wishing she had gloves to wear. Her eyes wander about to the people around her, the fact that they were out here with nothing but their disguise made Nina antsy. What if someone recognized them? What if they recognized Kaz’s limp? Sure, there were many disables all over Ketterdam and he was devoid of his signature crow-headed cane, but it didn’t ease her worry. 

But Kaz seemed calm, albeit his eyes kept shifting from one place to another, always vigilant. While Nina couldn’t tell just exactly the place Kaz had in mind, she knew better than to trust him more than anything else. 

They nearly reached the end of West Stave when Kaz took a sharp turn to a narrower street, away from the throng of people. The street was quieter, darker that even the moonlight barely spilled through between buildings, the kind that raised goosebumps in the pit of her stomach. There was a fiddler who was playing a sea shanty in front of the dumpster dive, his tone melancholy while just across the street, a group of some shady gentlemen were making some sort of illegal transactions in the shadows. 

Okay, just where in the hell Kaz was taking her?

The pair made a turn again, and this time, Kaz led her to a converted detached crummy looking, three-storey building. Two working girls stood by the entrance, one was doing her lipstick while the other was busy working her way up to a possible client. Nina gulped. She had never been to this part of the city before. She clearly didn’t want to know how just Kaz could find out about this neighborhood in the first place. 

A blush threatened to creep on her cheeks as they entered the hotel: there was a loud, sexual moan coming from one of the rooms. Sure, Nina had heard such wanton sound back when she was still a working girl herself, but it was different now that she had Kaz with her. Nina silently observed him from behind, looking for any sign of discomfort when she found none.

Was he a regular? Or had he always been indifferent about sex in the first place? She wished it wasn’t because of the former.

He limped his way to the second floor with her. They passed a drunk couple who were making out against the wall, fueled by an unrelinquished sexual drive that made Nina cringe as she waited for Kaz as he swiftly picked the lock. 

Once he had the door unlocked, Kaz was all dragging her inside by the elbow, locking the door behind them before he threw her off to bed. Nina yelped, she could barely register what was going on. Her mind was racing, her heart skipped a beat when she saw Kaz took his spectacle and hat off and placed it on the nearby table. Not once he dropped her gaze.

Nina pulled herself up on her elbows, anticipation written all over her face. She waited for the final blow, an end to whatever frustration and these unending cravings she had for him. 

Except, again, it never came.

To her utmost surprise, Kaz simply grabbed a chair toward her, spun it around and sat backwards. His arms resting on the top. There was an almost murderous look on his face. Silence wrapped the room around its fingers like a demon with its prey. And if Nina had been aroused by the illusion of Kaz’s lips claiming hers, it all disappeared out of the window in an instant.

“You better give me one good reason why you were back there in that bar, Zenik, or so help me I’ll send you back to the Ice Court myself,” Kaz spat roughly, a sheer anger in his voice.

Her brows creased in confusion. “What…?”

Her obliviousness only irritated Kaz to a degree. She noticed the way his jaw tightened, his knuckles formed into fists. “What the fuck were you doing in one of Van Eck’s establishments?!”

_ Van Eck's? _ Nina stilled. She could feel her jaw hit the floor right now. 

“No,” Nina mumbled defensively and shook her head. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t have been that stupid. Could she? “No way. Kaz, I checked. I wouldn’t have gone there had I known the bar belongs to that skiv.”

Kaz took a deep breath. “Nina, are you questioning me?” 

“No! It’s just--”

“Then let me enlighten you with the facts just in case you’ve lost your senses: The Red Ruby is one of Van Eck’s owned establishments. Has been for nearly five years now and out of all the bars in Ketterdam, you had to pick the one that he owns to drink your misery away. So, tell me, Nina,  _ love, _ ” Kaz shifted the chair closer so he could level his scathing gaze on her.

“What the  _ fuck _ were you doing back there?”

Nina swallowed thickly. His glare never failed to intimidate her and she knew there was simply no way to talk her way out of this. She had made a mistake. 

And by a mistake meaning a huge one. It was time to face the music. Shit, how could she be so reckless? What if someone had recognized her back there? Nina supposed she could consider herself lucky, but in a place as grimmy as Ketterdam, she knew she couldn’t always rely on her luck. 

Nina snatched her wig off and placed it on the bed. She pulled her legs up and pressed them against her chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Nina muttered croakily after a beat. “I’m so sorry, Kaz. I didn’t know.”

Of course, a mere apology wouldn’t let Nina get off the hook that easily. To Kaz, apologies worth nearly as empty as Per Haskell’s boats.

“You should have. For fuck’s sake, we have no room for bad judgements at times like these,” he scolded in a clipped tone. “Van Eck is practically waiting for moments like this to spring on us and you just had to have been almost being his key for that. Do you understand what’s at stake here?!”

Nina despised being scolded like a child like this, but in her case, Kaz was right. She hadn’t thought this far ahead, she rarely did. And Nina feared if it would be her downfall one day. 

She bowed her head down, hiding her face on the gap between her thighs and let a tear fell from her left eye. “I know.”

“Then how in the world did you manage to end up in his bloody bar?!”

Brekker practically shoved the chair to the side and stood up, his hand massaging his temple. Nina remained silent and bit her lip.

“You’re becoming more and more unreliable these days. You’re out, you hear me? Until you can sort out your problems, I’m dropping you out of the fucking gig.”

“Excuse me?” Nina grumbled. “After everything I’ve done, and you think you can just toss me away like I’m a worthless ragdoll or something for a mistake I didn’t commit?”

He glared at her. “A mistake you  _ could _ have committed. That was a foolish move, Nina. And the last thing I need is employing fools.”

His words stung. Nina had learned over the past year to never take Brekker’s words into the heart knowing that the boy lacked one. But this time it hurt like hell. Not because of the fact that he knew just exactly why she had been acting this way, but also because how easily he dismissed her as if she was a can of worms. As if what nearly happened between them was nothing. 

What a  _ fool _ she was to believe that he would change his behavior around her after one sexual dream. Ghezen, Inej was right. They were nothing but investments in his eye, a means to an end. A  _ djemin _ , as Matthias would say.

She scowled, her emerald eyes blazing on his like a forest fire. Without a word, she rose from the bed and stomped toward him. Kaz was a good fifteen centimetres taller than her, but it didn’t shrink any bubbles of anger she had for him.

“That’s not fair, Kaz. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m going through a life and death situation here. I know you only care about what you can earn, but you don’t have to be a jerk about it!”

“I’m being pragmatic,” he remarked dryly. “It’s a sink or swim world, Zenik. No one is going to wait for you if you're starting to drown.” 

“Even with my condition, Kaz?” she sounded hurt. “Even knowing that I’m battling this… this… ordeal?”

Kaz scoffed. “We all have gone through something in one point of our lives, Nina. That doesn’t make you specia--”

His words were cut off abruptly by the loud echoes of skin hitting skin. Nina had slapped him, and she was fully aware of it. His eyes widened in shock, it was possible that he had never been slapped before. And if he had, she didn’t know if the person had come out alive or not, but she didn’t care. 

_ He deserves it, _ she thought as Nina lowered her hand from his cheek. She thought slapping him should definitely end up in her resume of impossible feats.

“You take that back, Brekker,” she spat angrily. “You  _ fucking _ that back. If it weren’t for me, all of you would have been dead on some unmarked graves on a Fjerda beach! I took the risk for you because I believe in you and still, you treat me like I’m nothing but a piece of shit!” 

She closed her eyes and channeled her focus to control her anger.  _ Control yourself, Nina.  _ She exhaled slowly.  _ You just slapped the Bastard Of The Barrels and you’re still breathing… don't know if that can change in a minute, though.  _

Sensing no response from him, Nina turned and headed for the window with her arms crossed over her chest. If he were to kill her, she thought it was better if she didn’t see it coming. 

“You slapped me,” he rasped lowly after a few beats. One gloved hand touched his cheek, completely in utter disbelief.

“You deserved it,” Nina mumbled irritatedly. She hugged herself closer and rested her head against the window sill.

“Nobody has ever slapped Dirtyhands and walked out alive to tell the tale.”

“Do it, then,” Nina challenged, well out of sight and out of mind. “Go ahead. Kill me. The last time I remember, I have no use for you anymore anyway.”

Honestly, she had no capacity to deal with all of this right now. She was tired, all the withdrawal for  _ parem _ had sucked up her energy and then the mission kidnapping Van Eck’s wife clearly took a toll on her body, particularly her face when a bloody guard shoved his elbow to her cheek. To top her misery off, Alys Van Eck turned out to be a proper brat who wouldn’t shut up.

And of course, there was Kaz that needed to be added to her long-list of problems. She felt the ache in her head multiplied by ten just at the thought of him alone. 

Nina heard him approaching, the echoes of his boots heavy in her ears but she remained still in her place, preparing herself for the worst. Whatever fate should befall her, she was ready. 

“Turn around.” 

Nina nearly flinched hearing the gentleness in his voice. Though, of course, Kaz’s gentle tone could also be considered a tad crass according to polite society, but it was enough to pique Nina’s curiosity. Whatever she was expecting, this was a mile far from it. She had expected a knife to the throat, a gun in the head, anything that would lead her to her demise, but not… this. 

Slowly but surely Nina twirled around. She felt his stare, but decided not to meet his gaze. 

“Look at me,” he commanded again, his tone reserved. Just exactly that one thing she was trying to avoid. 

Nina sighed in defeat and raised her head. The first thing she noticed was his cheek, still tinge red from the slap. It reminded her of her own bruise that was now laid bare for him to assess, his eyes staring down at the nasty bruise on her cheek intently. He was close, but Kaz had been closer. She wished he was closer.

When Kaz gripped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing her head to raise higher to meet his eyes, and every last bit of Nina’s self-control nearly cracked. His dark coffee eyes were impassive as he studied her face, tracing every freckle on her cheeks before tilting her head to the side, the leather felt cold against her skin.

“You haven’t tended this,” he remarked matter-of-factly. 

Nina shrugged carelessly, despite the war her mind waged. “It’ll fade, eventually.”

“It could take at least a week to heal.”

“I really don't care.” 

Kaz narrowed his eyes disapprovingly. “You really are stubborn, aren’t you?”

Much to her annoyance and amusement, she found herself enjoying rebelling against Kaz’s words. “Some might say.”

“It’s pissing me off,” his remark was still curt, but devoid of his usual bite. 

“Then go. I know how to look after myself, anyway, thank you very much.”

"Oh, I’m sure you do.” Kaz tilted her head back forward.

She gazed back at Kaz with a touch of sheer annoyance. “Are you trying to crack a joke here, Brekker? Because I’m not in the mood right now.”

“And since when did I become a comedian?”

“I don’t know, a minute ago?” she shrugged again, silently wishing for him to let go of her face because she hadn’t been able to breathe properly the whole time.

A slight humor passed over his sharp visage. “Now look who’s trying to be funny?”

“Oh, shut up.” Nina was pretty sure she was blushing like a virgin right now, and if it hadn't been for the dimness of the room, she wager she would look flagrantly red. 

A shouting from down the street broke whatever the air was casting on them. Kaz candidly took a few steps back, his shoulder leaning on the wall as he looked outside. Nina quietly followed his gaze only to find two drunken men brawling under the streetlamp. 

Nina let her focus adrift to the fighting men. It was a welcoming distraction. For a few moments, she did forget about her problems. As blood spilled and teeth flew from one of their mouths onto the concrete street, she let herself forget about  _ parem _ , about this whole ordeal with Van Eck and the cutthroat nations that were ready to take them to death’s door.

Though no matter how many distractions her surroundings provided, she couldn’t simply cast Kaz out of her mind.

One glance at him, and Nina was once again caught in his charm. His profile bathed in firelight, hair glinting like coal, and he couldn’t possibly look more attractive.

Even when she hated him, she found that she still wanted to kiss him. 

Nina shifted in her place. “How did you find me back there, anyway?” 

A muscle in Kaz’s jaw noticeably stiffened by that. “I happened to be around the neighborhood.” 

Sensing his uneasiness, Nina decided to play her cards. 

“Did you?” Nina teased, her voice as sweet as honey. “You weren’t keeping tabs on me, were you, Brekker?”

“Don’t be absurd.”

She rolled her eyes.  _ Of course, what did you expect, girl?  _ “I’m curious, though, why did you pick this place as one of your safehouses? It doesn’t look like you. You don't happen to be a patron here, are you?”

Kaz shook his head. “No. And that’s the point. Pleasure houses would be the last place my enemies look for me. Call it a necessary diversion.”

“That’s… actually very smart,” she complimented, genuinely impressed. But again, since when did Kaz ever fail to amaze her?

Kaz tilted his head to her, his sooty brow raised. “Is that a compliment, I hear?”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“You should say it more often. You know it costs zero kurge.” He was throwing the words she’d said to him back to her. Cheeky bastard. Nina reached out and gave his brawny arm a light shove. She never realized just how much muscle he had beneath his layers of clothing.

He was grinning, and it must have probably the first time Nina had ever seen him displaying a different kind of expression except the permanent scowl he wore on a daily basis. And if she’d thought he looked attractive under the lights, seeing him like this struck her just how truly majestic he was.

Not just it cranked up his appearance to eleven, but it gave him back his stolen youth. He looked so young Nina nearly forgot that he indeed was  _ still  _ a boy. Even with his devious mind and choice of attire, physically, Kaz was still in his early stages of adulthood. 

As if her body functioning on autopilot, Nina tread closer to his position. Eyes never leaving his until they were only feet apart when she diverted her full attention to his cheek. She couldn’t tell whether it was the alcohol that moved her or it was simply her, but Nina found herself raising her warm hand to his face. Kaz blinked, stiffened under her velvet touch. Nina had heard from Inej that Kaz wasn't the type who appreciated any direct skin contact. She was pushing her luck here, so here she silently prayed to Ghezen that he wouldn’t bat her hand away and lash out at her. 

“I’m sorry I slapped you,” her voice was a mere hush, though Nina believed well he heard it.

Kaz swallowed visibly. Even with the growing tension, he still managed to maintain eye contact. “I’m certain you feel quite the opposite.”

Nina snorted. “Who am I kidding? You’re right, you deserved it, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to do it.”

He merely shrugged in response, but his eyes sparked the same way hers were. 

After a moment of brief hesitation, Nina’s hand trailed suggestively down his jaw, his chest and all the way down to his torso. He stilled his head as he glanced down at her, his irises had blown to hell as Nina carefully slipped her hand inside his coat.

“I don’t have it.”

“Have what?” 

To her surprise, Kaz snatched her wrist that was inside his coat. His grip was anything but firm. “Don’t play coy with me, sweetheart. I know you’re looking for  _ parem _ .”

Nina froze in her place, the way a player was caught cheating in cards. She wriggled her hand away from his grasp and huffed loudly. 

“Where is it?” 

“I gave it back to Matthias.” Nina closed her eyes in defeat and sighed again. “Are you going to creep back into his bed for that?” asked Kaz, his tone hardened with mockery.

Nina’s eyes darted back up to him. She fixed him with a baleful glare that was sharp enough to cut glass. This was no way of his business. But knowing how Kaz had a fondness to make everything his business, she might as well make him regret ever being nosy regarding her sexlife. 

“I don't know,” Nina replied sharply only to reconsider her answer. “Do you want me to?”

“What makes you think that I give a rat’s ass about who you’re fucking, hmm?” 

His words might sound curt, but that didn’t stop Nina to try and push her luck. 

“Then why keep bringing that up since that night?” 

Nina’s question only met with silence. _ Checkmate.  _ Her whole time since she joined the Dregs, she’d dreamt of the day when she could outsmart him even if only for a minute. And now that she did it, a swell of pride threatened to burst out of her chest that it was impossible for anything or anyone to stop her from smirking like a nutter. 

Feeling especially bold, Nina once more closed the proximity between them, her gait graceful like a cat. A technique she’d picked up from seeing the women back in the brothel, the way their eyes arrested their customers to the point of hypnotization, Nina adored them all. 

She knew it was at least foolish to pull this trick on the infamous Per Haskell’s lieutenant, but judging by the way Kaz immediately dropped the whole scorn look on his face was priceless. He simply stood there, like a rabbit in the headlights, his ridiculous jaw clenching and unclenching. She smiled to herself thinking just how easy it was to elicit this kind of reaction from Kaz knowing that Nina had pushed the right buttons.

“Is that what you want, Kaz?” Nina inquired, her voice came out as a breathy whisper and leaned in closer. Their noses nearly touching, warm breaths intermingling the space between. “Me creeping back into his bed?”

There was an unreadable look that passed over Kaz’s face. For a moment, there was only silence, assuming that Kaz was still considering the answer. Nina secretly wished he would say something to make her stay. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her miserable night with him, which Nina strongly appalled at the thought at first, but being with him right now, knowing that he was within her reach, but at the same time, he was a million light years away from her frustrated the hell out of her.

Nina was well aware that she would probably regret if this was to happen for the rest of her life. Not to mention the guilt she’d harbor for both Matthias and Inej, but then again, she was only human. And humans are a bunch of selfish pricks by nature. 

A cold leather hand ran its way to the back of her neck and the next thing Nina knew, Kaz’s mouth was only inches from hers.

“Not even close.” 

And then he sealed whatever was left of the distance between them.

There was nothing gentle in Kaz’s kiss. He was all devouring her mouth like a starving mad man, his hand that had been on her neck was now gripping her auburn locks. For a moment, Nina forgot how it was like to breathe, her prime focus had been solely on the kiss and Kaz’s heat that made her blood sing madly.

Nina grabbed him by the coat and pulled Kaz closer, deepening their kiss. Her breathing had turned into adorable little gasps, her breath hot on his face. Kaz groaned in her mouth when she nipped the seam of his lip and parted her mouth for him. Her hands trailed up from his coat all the way to his head, linking her arms around his shoulders, her fingertips lightly caressing the shaved part of his head which he seemed to like, garnering Nina an approving hum from the boy.

Kaz draped his hand around her waist and began to methodically push her back, his movement stiff given his leg, but he managed to get the job done. With Nina’s back now against the walls, Kaz continued his assault on her lips easier, his tongue roaming the inside of her mouth that made Nina’s head spinning like a carousel. The world around her began to blur, the noises in her head quieted as she let herself drown in the taste of Kaz’s kiss. He was going to kiss her until she forgot her name.

When Kaz trailed his lips down to her jaw, Nina gasped. Her back arched slightly to give him more access, his kisses left a trail of fire in their wake, he was claiming her and an ancient primal feeling began to burn in the pit of her stomach all the way down to her core. She felt him nipping the sensitive skin on her neck and she lost whatever senses she had.

Without thinking, Nina ground her hips to him. A subtle hardness poked on her stomach and he was all and groaned on her neck. His grip on her waist tightened, his kisses turned faster, hotter as his hand migrated down and glided under her dress. Her warm and pale flesh against the cold leather of his glove. It was a dizzying kind of wonderful. And Nina bit her lip upon the contact, her eyes shut before Kaz lifted one of her legs and looped it around his hip. Grinding his desire onto her clothed core that Nina couldn’t help but moan.

“Kaz,” she rasped his name, her hips moving against him on its own accord, following the rhythm he set and her body was screaming. Nina needed more. Now or she’d lost her mind completely. 

They looked at each other straight into their eyes. Like before, Kaz's eyes were impossibly black from desire, his jaw taut and the way he looked at her right now… Ghezen, Kaz was looking at her the way Nina looked at her toffees and waffles, he looked at her like she was a million Kurge heist, a throne to claim. Her heart melted at this. She felt desired, wanted.

Important.

She moved to his lips, not quite kissing him, merely traded their breaths. Nina realized it was more tantalizing kissing him this way.

“Tell me, what did we do in your dream?” she whispered against his mouth, couldn’t manage to make herself sound sexy, especially when their clothed hips were still grinding slowly.

“I don't kiss and tell,” Kaz admitted, smirking when he heard Nina made a noise of protest.

“Pretty please?” She cooed, squeezing his ass as she did so.

“You’re wicked.”

“Doesn’t sound like news flash to me.”

“No,” Kaz opted to kiss her this time. Sucking on her lower lip until she wheezed. “Do you know what this city does to wicked girls, Nina?”

She couldn’t bring herself to think and merely shrug. Kaz pressed his lips to her ear. 

“They get punished. Severely,” he murmured, the roughness of his voice masked with lust sent chills down her spine. 

“But I hardly do anything, dear sir,” Nina’s voice a parody of innocence. “Why should I get punished?”

“Because I feel like it.”

“Abusing power much?”

“Doesn’t sound like news flash to me,” he threw her words back at her.

Nina laughed though it quickly morphed into a moan when Kaz’s hand dipped inside her breeches. Her heart leaped out of her throat. Anticipation crept on skin like wildfire. His gloved fingers wove their way and found her cunt, wet and warm just for him. Two digits slid into her slick folds easily and a scream ripped from her lungs. Her body went stiff before him.

Nina bucked her hips into Kaz as he pumped his fingers inside her. Saints, he certainly knew what he was doing. She could barely control her shouts this time and her legs felt like jelly underneath her. Each thrust sent her closer and closer over the edge, her body screaming for a release. Kaz inserted a third finger and Nina nearly came undone.

“Oh, fuck!” Nina cursed, her head thrown back against the walls. Her nails scratching his solid back. The feeling was magnetising, erotic. She never ever wanted him to stop. “Kaz, don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.”

“Say please.”

But all that left her mouth was a silent "Oh" and his name.

She felt him grinning. "I don't think that's the word I was looking for, Zenik."

Nina was this close from smacking his head. “Please!"

“Hmm,” Kaz hummed in acknowledgment, his pace never faltered. Nina was about to burst when the bastard withdrew his fingers from her. 

Nina froze in her place, her mouth still hung open but for an obvious different reason this time. He wasn’t serious, was he? But Kaz was all and retrieved his bowler hat and spectacle from across the room. His back against her thought Nina somehow could hear his smirk.

“Are you… are you fucking serious?” she soat, her legs were still parted and her cunt aching so much. 

“I am,” Kaz replied, he was all adopting back his serious, business-like manner. “First of all, you owe me two things, Nina; your lapse in judgement that could have gotten our asses fucked and that little stunt you pulled to my face.” He moved towards her once more, his lips dangerously close to her ear. “Lucky for you, I'm feeling rather generous tonight. Consider this as a full payment for the two errors you made tonight.”

Kaz retrieved himself from her face, smirking devilishly handsome to her and then raised his fingers, still coated with her juices, and sucked his own digits tantalising slow one by one. Not one he shied away from her gaze and the sight was extremely hot if Nina wasn’t so dumbfounded of the situation she would have thrown herself back to him and rode him right then and there on the floor.

“Lock up before you leave once you’re quite finished.”

And with that, he was out of the door. His erection perfectly hidden under those meticulous layers of clothes. Nina wanted to scream at him, to shove him down the floor and touch him until he declared that she was his only god, but all Nina could manage was standing there, in her soaking panties and skin still tingling from his touches.

“The things you made me do, Brekker,” she muttered angrily to herself as she dragged herself to the bed. 

It seemed it was going to be a solo night after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the loooooooooong delay, folks. Anyway, here's wonderwall

She had been taking most of the remaining spaces of his mind lately.

Her; that auburn head, a walking stubborn, Juniper berry kisses girl instead of Inej's caramel skin, softly spoken proverbs and tender fleeting touches.

Nina. Even the name tasted strange, yet highly intriguing on his lips. Nina, the girl he'd found attractive the moment he laid his eyes on her, swathed in that red silk kefta that showed a generous amount of cleavage she seemed to have no problem showing. He remembered the way her hips swayed when she approached him, moving in such an otherworldly gaze, Kaz thought if she was one of the fairy tale creatures Jordi had used to tell him when they were kids. 

Nina, the girl who often opposed whatever he proposed due to her strong sense of morality and probably the only person who had the guts to do so. On some bad days, sometimes the two would end up in a screaming match that the whole brothel would stop whatever ungodly activities they were doing and stopped in front of her chamber whenever he came to visit. 

And now Nina, the object of his unadulterated desire. The reason why he was easily distracted of this late, his usually sharp and calculating mind was now swimming with the raunchy image of her rosy lips and how sweet they tasted on his; of her panting, moaning his name deliciously as he finger fucked her until she nearly saw stars, and deprived her from that pleasure burst just to spite her.

She was everything he'd never met from the opposite sex; she frustrated him, she aroused him and Kaz hated the duality of such opposite feelings. He hated that he wasn't in control.

In control. It was his key to survival. Having everything in his control. Except for a few days ago when he'd seen Matthias going sweet on her; sitting next to her a little too closely for his liking, holding her hand, kissing her hair and she was all but smiling sweetly to his advance. It was then Kaz had felt it, this intense, burning sensation in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he'd never thought capable of feeling before that Kaz had nearly punched the walls from blind anger.

What was this? Why did he feel this way? He had no right to feel jealous over whom Nina was seeing, she was never his, anyway.

And not to mention he already had Inej. Sure, Kaz may have never explicitly expressed how he felt for the Suli girl nor made things official between them, but he could only imagine how this would affect her. For someone who claimed to be a heartless bastard, it was surprising how such matter could bring such guilt within him.

Frustrated and exhausted, Kaz blinked back his sleepy, watery eyes and focused on the maps and handful of books sprawled out before him. He thought if he could bring Inej back soon from Van Eck's slimy fingers, maybe this feeling for the brunette would find its end. And Kaz was rarely wrong in his entire life. 

“Hey.”

Kaz's entire body went stiff upon hearing her voice. Just when he thought he needed some space from her for his sanity's sake, here she was. The Dreg's lieutenant didn't bother looking up as he kept his attention glued to the papers.

“Is there something you need, Nina?” he asked flatly, not wanting to give his emotions out in the open.

For a moment, there was only the sound of rattling papers and distant chatters, echoing through the catacombs air. Kaz heard her take a deep breath.

“Nothing, I just wanted to see how you are doing,” Nina admitted, a twinge of nervousness thick in her voice. “I don't think I saw you went to bed last night.”

Kaz chose this exact moment to raise his head and when he did, his blood ran cold. There she stood like a temptation on a plate, brutal and magnetising in a simple but elegant, knee-length, black dress with a tapered waist. Hugging and accentuating her feminine curves. Her lips as red and fiery as the desire in his belly. Kaz allowed himself to gaze shamelessly at her figure before snapping back to reality.

“I couldn't sleep,” Kaz spoke behind a plume of smoke as he lit a cigarette. He fixed his attention back to the books. “Going somewhere?” 

Nina shuffled nervously in her place. “It's Matthias. He said he wanted to take me out to see the fireworks tonight.” 

Kaz felt his fist curled and uncurled on the table, his jaw set. The cold trickle of jealousy began to work its way back through him. This was exactly the feeling he wanted to abstain from in the first place, it distracted him. Lives were on the line, his money was on the edge of damnation, he couldn't afford being jealous over someone else's girlfriend when Kaz himself sort of already had one. 

“Say something, Kaz,” she muttered when he remained muted, desperate to hear what he had to say about this.

“And what exactly you would want me to say, hmm?” he grumbled a little too coldly. “Have a nice date? Or do you want me to escort the two of you out of the tomb?”

The Heartrender's face snapped with anger.

“Maybe,” she retorted, her arms crossed indignantly. “Besides, after  _ what _ I've been through, I think I deserve myself having a good time, don't you think?”

_ She is winding you up, _ Kaz reminded himself to calm lest they gathered the others’ attention or worse, if he'd actually throw himself at her, kiss those tantalising lips and bend her over the table and take her until she could barely remember her name just to show what a good time really is. Shit, Nina sure did know how to push his buttons, alright?

Finally, he looked up and met her dagger stare. Her cheeks had gone two shades red from anger, her green eyes reminded Kaz of an endless sea of raging new leaves. 

“Do you? And yet here you are talking to me. Now, why don't you run back to him before poor Matthias thinks you changed your mind,” Kaz's gruff voice uttered quietly, his coal eyes narrowed slightly.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Nina looked around, making sure they were out of everyone's earshot, leaned forward and whispered. “Ever since that night, you've been avoiding me or when we talk, you’re always cold and indifferent. Why?”

“I'm always cold and indifferent.”

“No, you're not. Tell me why.”

“I don't see how the situation needs an explanation.”

“Of course it needs an explanation, asshole,” hissed Nina, frustration washed over her pretty face. “You could have told me if you don't want to repeat what we did that night or you could have said that we made a mistake, but no, instead of being up front with me, you hide behind that fucking mask you wear like a coward!”

Kaz fought to cling for any semblance of control before he lost it, but she was really pushing it. A murderous glint in his dark eyes, and he watched as Nina flinched slightly at the change of his demeanor. Though if she indeed feared him, Nina made no attempt to bolt from the room or dropped his gaze, no. She stood her ground, like the stubborn girl she was.

“Get out of my sight, Nina,” Kaz said as calmly as possible. Re-focussing his attention to the table before he did something he'd regret later.

“No. Not until you tell me what is going on with you.”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“Yes, you do and will. You owe me an explanation, Kaz and after what happened I--”

Pushing off the desk, Kaz stomped his way around it, ignoring the way his knee was screaming in pain by the sudden movement and came to stop in front of Nina. The girl gasped in fear as his hardened face only inches away from hers. 

“I said  _ leave _ ,” Dirtyhands growled through gritted teeth, instantly putting an end to the conversation. 

A strained silence enveloped the very air they breathed. Their glare remained, unwavering, piercing into each other's soul. A tear slipped from Nina's eyes and Kaz's cold features dropped. He had hurt her. The fact alone gave his cold, cold heart an unexpected twist. Yet another name he needed to add to the list of the people he'd hurt. 

Kaz had to quell the desire to thumb her tear away or to pull her into his longing arms and kiss her until they forgot why they fought in the first place. Anything but seeing her in this state.

“What is going on here?”

The two craned their heads to the side to see Matthias standing by the other side of the table, dressed in his usual disguise attire, his golden blonde hair disappeared under the brunette wig. He regarded Kaz and Nina, wondering what the two had been discussing that had left an air of tension in the room.

Kaz took a respective step back from Nina, tearing his gaze away from her. Taking a deep drag of his forgotten cigarette. He was going to smoke his misery away all night.

From his peripheral vision, he saw Nina wiped her tears from her cheek before Matthias noticed it ever existed.

“Nothing. It's nothing,” she managed to croak out, feigning nonchalance. Matthias didn't seem convinced.

“Brekker?” He glowered at him, looking as if he could beat the Bastard Of the Barrel senseless if he needed to. Kaz leveled his stare. He thought if he tried anything, he would not hesitate to take him down the way he'd done the first time they were properly met.

Kaz took his time, blowing the smoke out of his lungs before answering, “You heard her. It's nothing,” he replied offhandedly, his tone caustic. Kaz didn't need this right now. He could feel a headache begin to form from this.

She approached Matthias, feigning a smile as she placed a hand on his chest. “We were just having a discussion about misplaced hopes, that's all. And Kaz here has helped me see how I almost did that once more.”

Kaz wondered if Matthias could pick up the real meaning behind her words, if he could easily deduce the tension between him and his girlfriend.

“That's an awfully deep topic you two discussed,” he commented, creases appearing in his brow.

Nina chuckled lightly. “Blame it on spending too much time with the dead to make you ponder about life,” she motioned to the catacombs around them. Matthias joined laughing with her. Kaz's frown deepened. 

“You're ready to go, then? Wylan and Jesper say they will meet us in the inn at ten,” Matthias asked, all suspicions about Kaz and Nina’ previous discussion forgotten.

“Sure. You go on ahead and wait outside, I'll grab my wig and be with you in a second.”

Matthias looked as if he wanted to kiss her, but decided otherwise once remembering Kaz's presence. He reached out for her hand, squeezed it before making his way out of the tomb. When he left, the light on Nina's face dimmed like the setting sun. 

Nina didn't even meet her eyes as she turned her back from him.

“Nina…” Kaz uttered her name, and gone was the malice in his voice. Only longing and desperation wrapped in a single word that was her name. 

She whipped her head back at him, fury clouding her visage. “No. Fuck you, Kaz. How could you? How could you treat me like this after what we shared that night?”

“He kissed you.” The words rolled out of his tongue before his brain could halt them. “I saw it, and you didn't stop him. And now he asked you out, you made no effort to stop him either.”

His gloved hand curled once again. The cat's out of the bag now. He had let out his feelings out in the open and he mentally chastised himself for taking the bait. 

_ Stupid, stupid.  _ He should have kept his mouth shut and let her go. It was easier that way. Coping his feelings for Inej was already hard, he didn't need to add Nina to complicate things further.

Slowly, the storm of rage on Nina's face passed, morphed into something akin to melancholy and regret. And then she looked at him, her eyes slanted as if trying to convey her inner turmoil. 

“I can't turn him down, Kaz,” she confessed eventually, sadly, her voice barely a whisper. “You know I can't.”

“You love him,” he uttered matter-of-factly. The fact held a bitter place in his heart. 

Nina frowned. “What would you do if you were in my shoes? What if Inej leans in close with her hands cupping your face? Would you deny her?”

Kaz remained silent at that, his brains kept on circumnavigating at her questions. Deep down, they both knew what the answer was, and it pained Kaz as much as it pained her. They haven't even started this full-blown affair and now doubts and regret have already clouded their judgements. They had started a fire and now both panicking that the flame soared too high. 

He cared for Inej-- maybe even loved her, if he were to be perfectly honest with himself. He would crawl to the ends of the world just to find her, to keep her safe. But now that Nina had come to the picture, everything became so fucking complicated.

“So, what now then?” Kaz paused, dragging deep on his cigarette, his stare not once faltering from Nina. “Do we shake hands and pretend none of this ever happened?”

“I don't know. What do you want?”

The word  _ you _ was at the forefront of his mind, but he decided against to voice it out loud. Saints, couldn't things just be fucking simple for once?

“I don't know.”

When she left and disappeared into the passage, Kaz didn't stop her. He thought he should feel grateful that she was gone now, it felt like he could breathe again, but no matter how much he tried to push the matter into the deepest part of his brain, all that he could think about was her. 

_ Nina Zenik _ , Kaz huffed sharply,  _ what have you done to me? _


End file.
